Sometimes little things make me really angry and I feel this wave of contempt wash over me. I know I’m only hurting myself when this happens, but it’s hard to think, “Is this really worth it?” and just let it go.
I suppose that’s just the way I am, but I can’t help but to think what circumstances and events throughout my life helped shape me this way.
Or what it takes to change at this point.
Patience and mercy, I feel, are two of the human qualities that are most valued yet most rare. Some authorities on human behavior even suggest that the combination of these two qualities is the key to successful human interaction, and thus the key to success in this society. Even religions emphasize patience and mercy. Well, at least some, eventually (insert jab at Christianity here).
How do we develop these qualities in ourselves, though?
It seems to me that, for people such as myself, it would be almost impossible. Human beings are infuriating. Humans are literally the scum of the earth. I mean, even we think so ourselves; look at how many goddamn wars we’ve had, and we’ve only been around for less than 100,000 years!
(If that seems like a long time, here’s a fraction for you bitches: 100,000/4,500,000,000)I’ve tried, sort of, I think. I think it takes small steps and small cases in which you demonstrate patience and mercy. Even the small things are difficult, however. People will push you right up to the brink (of blowing the fuck up) then poke you with a stick. The trick is holding your ground even at that point, which (I guess) really isn’t a trick. No, it’s more of the main thing.
What bothers me most about this whole thing, though, is that when you exercise these two qualities, you’re also biting your tongue and just nodding and smiling. People don’t care what you think. You can criticize and shake your head in disappointment, but they won’t change their habits, even if they know themselves that they’re in the wrong. Being patient and ‘merciful’ may make your relationships better, but there are some people that you just need to let go in order to stop them from making you burn up from the inside. You’re not going to save them and they don’t want to be saved. So let them fall and hope that natural selection takes care of them, or they’ll eventually save themselves.
We get so damn caught up in our own daily lives and our own personal goals and our own hope and dreams. Selfish creatures we are, seeking only pleasure.
I had a conversation with a friend about whether or not we would live longer given that everyone else retained the current lifespan, meaning that friends and family would die before you, and you would go through several generations of friends and family. She brought up some reservations that made me think that you would have to lose some of your humanity in order to be able to deal with that kind of loneliness. So would losing a part of your humanity be worth the experiences?
I wish it was Sunday already. Our to-do list gets only longer.
This summer will not be a dud.
